u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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