we have officially mastered the walk of shame
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
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I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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