You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im holly from the hills drunk
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
