My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize