just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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