How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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