Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
