You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
