I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
