bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
