I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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