I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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