That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
