my vag is so smooth its legendary
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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