I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
it was like eating out sand paper
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you will always have a special place in my vag
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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