ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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