Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
