I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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