Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
