were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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