I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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