There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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