I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
