I want to have your abortion
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
