shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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