omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
