operation have a gay friend backfired
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
