I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
