I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
