i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
