I hope mine doesn't look like that
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
