p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
