I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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