Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
