Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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