Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
