the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
