Me. At least after what I've been through.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
