Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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