she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
