Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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