It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just cropdusted the office
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
