he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
