grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
