A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
