Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
