Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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