another moral hangover. fuck.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
