oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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