i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
