I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
