I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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