I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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