i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
