Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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