Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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