I just made out with a guy for $7.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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