I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I am midnight drunk by noon
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I love you. Go after that dick
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