What did we do last night that was yellow?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
