My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
this boner is exhausting
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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