I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
