He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
