No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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