the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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