I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
