I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
