its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize