Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
