babies were throwing up all over the place
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
