I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
