What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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