did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
